Why Does a Negotiation Feel So Difficult?
When you find yourself struggling in a negotiation, the key question you should ask is: Why is this negotiation so hard for me? The answer usually isn’t just about the differences in positions between you and the other party. More often, it’s about how you handle the negotiation process. To help you understand your own behavior better, the following negotiation script will be very useful. Here’s how to use it:
- Briefly describe the initial situation of the negotiation and summarize it with a simple keyword.
- Use that keyword as the title of your negotiation script.
- Record in detail your negotiation partner’s behaviors and related comments, as well as your responses. The best practice is to write down the actual dialogue in direct quotes, creating a script you can rely on during negotiation.
- In the rightmost “Comments” column, note your personal insights on specific situations, such as “I felt helpless here” or “This response could really impress the room.”
- After each negotiation, refine and expand your script with new lessons learned.
- Master the techniques presented in this guide and you will find solutions for many difficult negotiation scenarios.
Sample Negotiation Script Format:
- Describe the current difficult situation:
- Keyword describing the situation: ____________
- Negotiation script:
| Negotiation Partner | My Response | Comments |
|---|---|---|
This script will help you analyze why the negotiation feels difficult.
It helps you reflect on your own negotiation behavior, recognize which situations are challenging, and identify where you need solutions.
My Negotiation Tips:
In every tough negotiation, you should know why it feels so challenging. Try to identify the factors in your own attitude that contribute to this subjective experience.
Principle One: Know Your Opponent
To prepare well for a negotiation, you need to gather information about your negotiation partner: their company, employees, and working environment. Difficult negotiations require you to collect more intelligence than your counterpart, and to analyze that information thoroughly before and during the negotiation.
- Internet Research: Use the web to find your partner’s company homepage, publications, client contacts, news reports, and newsletters.
- Talking to Employees: If you know someone working with your partner, take the chance to talk to them. You will gain far more insight than expected.
Pre-Negotiation Analysis: Positions and Motivations
During preparation, avoid focusing too much on positions—both yours and your partner’s. Instead, focus on motivations. Ask yourself:
- What positions (demands) has the partner stated?
- What motivations lie behind those demands?
- Why does the partner have these motivations?
- Are there any hidden motivations?
- Who among the partner’s team has a stake in the negotiation outcome?
- What are my motivations and why?
- Who on my side has a stake?
- What benefits does the partner seek?
- What benefits can I offer the partner?
- How can I expand my own benefits?
- How can I increase the partner’s gains?
- What concessions am I willing to make?
- What is my planned timeline?
- Are there any external deadlines?
- What are the preconditions for a formal agreement?
- What topics does my partner want to discuss?
- What questions must be answered to reach an agreement?
Identifying Key Topics
What questions must be asked to reach an agreement? Prioritize them: which questions are essential, which should be asked, and which are negotiable? Sometimes, it helps to inform the partner about the negotiation content ahead of time—but be careful not to reveal your positions or goals.
- What is my negotiation goal?
- What is my partner’s negotiation goal?
- How do they differ?
- What goals do we share?
- Where might compromises be made?
- What areas are non-negotiable?
- What chips can I offer that interest the partner?
Preparing Your Arguments
- My arguments: What supports me? What challenges me?
- Partner’s arguments: From their perspective, what benefits them? What hurts them?
Negotiation Tips:
- Stay discreet outside of negotiation; don’t reveal critical info.
- Never leave important documents unattended—unless you want to mislead.
- Focus during the negotiation on listening and analyzing your partner’s motivations.
- Always question and analyze beyond stated positions.
- Analyze information on multiple levels: factual, requests, self-disclosure, and relational.
- Use questions strategically to “draw out” your partner’s motivations.
- Use positive and negative hypothetical cues (“What if we do nothing…” or “Suppose we reach agreement…”).
- Let your partner articulate the benefits they gain, rather than you doing it for them.
- Pause intentionally during negotiations.
- Build a balanced relationship with your partner.
- Observe changes in your partner’s body language to gauge reactions.
- Focus on successes; don’t give up easily.
Principle Two: Clear Strategy, Step by Step
After understanding motivations, plan carefully:
- Goals: Write down your ideal and minimum acceptable outcomes.
- Strategy: The guiding principle throughout the negotiation, linking motivation and goals.
- Tactics: Concrete actions supporting your strategy.
Common Strategies:
- Competition: Focus on your goals with pressure; risks conflict.
- Avoidance: Delay issues until better timing.
- Concession: Show willingness to cooperate by giving in on some points; beware partner’s possible exploitation.
- Collaboration: Seek win-win, based on trust and cooperation.
- Compromise: Both sides partially satisfied, reaching an acceptable agreement.
Choose the strategy matching your personality and the relationship you want post-negotiation.
Principle Three: Persuade with Reason
- Let your partner speak first, using their moment of increased pressure.
- Show you understand by summarizing their position.
- Clearly communicate benefits you offer, distinguishing general advantages from personalized benefits.
- Focus on common ground to avoid polarization.
- Select three key arguments and prioritize them effectively.
- Speak using your partner’s preferred language and terminology.
This extended guide is designed to equip you with practical tools and mindset shifts to turn difficult negotiations into manageable challenges. By preparing thoroughly, understanding motivations, and applying strategic communication, you can approach even the toughest negotiation with confidence and clarity.